The 4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships
The simple reality is ALL relationships face a similar set of inevitable hurdles. Success comes from learning how to get over the hurdles ahead of time, and taking personal responsibility for “turning up well” in your relationships.
This book will help you understand both WHY you need to be intentional about building your Relational Intelligence and HOW to do it – by changing your behaviours from habits that damage relationships to habits that strengthen them – at home, at work, and in life!
People who love it…
Founder and Chairman, Care for the Family
Sir Paul Coleridge
Founder and Chairman of Marriage Foundation
Andrew Selous MP
co-chair all party Parliamentary group on supporting couple relationships and reducing interparental conflict
This book is a treasure chest of rich vignettes, reflective questions and practical exercises that deepen our understanding of factors that can damage relationships and actions we can take to develop healthy relationships. It is not just a book about personal relationships, it offers insights as to how we can build productive relationships in the ever increasing complex work settings we now inhabit. The blend of honest reflection and evidence based research material makes this a wonderful resource.
Dr. Sue Dopson
Professor of Organisational Behaviour, Fellow of Green Templeton College and Deputy Dean of Saïd Business School, University of Oxford
It’s one thing for someone to hand you a map. It’s another thing to have an expert guide walk you to that next great place. In this case, it’s two guides, Dr. Andrea and Jonathan Taylor-Cummings. Their 4 Habits book can help guide and strengthen your team, workplace, and family, and improve your most important relationships. I’ve been blessed to get to know both Jonathan and Andrea and I highly recommend them and their hugely helpful new book.
Dr. John Trent
Author of LifeMapping®, President StrongFamilies.com and The Centre for Strong Families
His Excellency Seth George Ramocan CD
High Commissioner for Jamaica to the United Kingdom
Linbert Spencer OBE
Inclusive Leadership and Performance Management Consultant / Executive Coach, Author, Co-Founder of The Centre for Inclusive Leadership
Dr Samantha Callan
Director and Co-founder, Family Hubs Network
Executive Vice President, The De Beers Group of Companies
CEO and Founder of Kamwell (Employee Wellbeing Consultancy)
Robert J. Gardner
Executive Board Director of St. James’s Place Wealth Management, Co-Founder of Redington, and member of the Young Presidents’ Organisation
Head of Human Resources: Diamond Trading, The De Beers Group of Companies
The importance of relationships has never been more critical and The 4 Habits provides invaluable and tangible tools and behaviour changes to build successful relationships both at home and at work. The three-part structure makes it easy to digest and implement with strong reference points so the reader can make steady and lasting changes. A fantastic toolkit for us all to build our essential relational intelligence skills.
CEO Sonas Group ([email protected], Future of Work Insights) & Co-Founder Inside Out Awards
Chair of trustees, FairLife Foundation and Agape Alive In India, Advisory Council member, TLG charity
Jeremy Lindley MA FRSA
Business Leader, non-executive Director and Chair of Trustees, Soulmates Academy Foundation
Richard & Maria Kane
Founders of Marriage Week UK & International
About the Authors…
Dr Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings are recognised authorities on the subjects of relationships and marriage, with numerous public speaking engagements, TV and Radio appearances.
Founders of 4 Habits Consulting and Soulmates Academy Foundation, they have a vision to equip as many people as possible to build healthy relationships – at home, at work and in life.
As city professionals and entrepreneurs themselves, Jon & Andrea have first-hand experience of the inevitable relationship challenges of high-stress careers and the pressures of living and working together 24/7.
They have been married for 28 years and live in the UK with their two teenage children.
The quality of our relationships impacts just about everything that really matters most. They impact how we “show up” and what we are able to achieve – at home, at work and in life. They impact our health and wellbeing, and ultimately, they determine the quality of our very lives.
But successful relationships don’t just happen automatically. They take work. The problem is, often we have no idea what to work on! Every relationship faces hurdles. Our different views, opinions and approaches as individuals mean we have different expectations and when those expectations are not met, we feel frustrated and disappointed. Unaddressed and repeated over time, this frustration leads to broken relationships, broken homes and broken people. So many relationships lose out because we are not equipped to do relationships well before problems arise… until now.
Based on over 25 years of working in relationship education, in this book, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share four fundamental habits that often distinguish between successful and unsuccessful relationships. Every successful relationship displays them and every failing relationship is missing at least one. By learning the principles, tools and techniques that underpin The 4 Habits© we can all change our behaviours from habits that damage relationships to habits that strengthen them, on purpose. This means we can all learn to “show up” better, have better conversations and achieve better outcomes in ALL our relationships – with our partners, children, colleagues, friends, everyone! These four habits are so fundamental to all relationships that they continue to resonate around the world through their TEDx Talk, which now has in excess of 1.6 million views:
- Habit #1 – BE CURIOUS, not critical is about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, giving each other “space and grace” to shine in our own strengths and overcome the frustration of unmet expectations.
- Habit #2 – BE CAREFUL, not crushing is about building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working towards genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict.
- Habit #3 – ASK, don’t assume is about learning to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values and having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary, overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships.
- Habit #4 – CONNECT, before you correct is about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways, and to overcome the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication.
Together The 4 Habits provide the practical “how to” for building Emotional Intelligence in general, and Relational Intelligence in particular.
When we are each equipped with the skills to do relationships well, we turn up as better versions of ourselves. Our marriages and partnerships are strengthened, our children flourish, our organisations and communities thrive, and our nations grow in health.
We can and we must all become intentional about learning to do relationships well, as if our lives depended on it. Because, in reality, they do.
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So, what are The 4 Habits?
Based on over 25 years of working with relationships, Dr. Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings first shared The 4 Habits that distinguish between ALL successful and unsuccessful relationships, in their TEDx talk (now with over 2 million views!)
For our relationships to go well, we must all learn to:
- BE CURIOUS, not critical
- BE CAREFUL, not crushing
- ASK, don’t assume
- CONNECT, before we correct.
This book will show you HOW TO do those in practice.