“We need better fences at the top of the cliff, rather than more ambulances waiting at the bottom.”​

– Dennis Parsons-Burkitt

"We need better fences at the top of the cliff, rather than more ambulances waiting at the bottom."​

– Dennis Parsons-Burkitt

"We need better fences at the top of the cliff, rather than
more ambulances waiting at the bottom."

– Dennis Parsons-Burkitt

The 4 Habits logo

Building Relational Intelligence

What does a proactive approach look like?

An infographic graphic showing Daniel Goleman's EQ Model.

What is Relational Intelligence?

Back in 1996, psychologist Daniel Goleman raised awareness around the importance of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and why it can matter more than IQ.  Today, Goleman talks about EQ in terms of 4 different competencies: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Management.

From our work over the last 30 years, we have identified four fundamental habits that make the difference between success and failure in relationships. 

These 4 Habits© provide the practical HOW TOs for applying EQ in your relationships – we call it building Relational Intelligence.

The 4 Habits© are :

  • Habit #1: BE CURIOUS, not critical,
  • Habit #2: BE CAREFUL, not crushing,
  • Habit #3: ASK, don’t assume
  • Habit #4: CONNECT, before you correct


The 4 Habits Model ©

Using The 4 Habits Model©, we help individuals and teams recognise and articulate where they are in their key relationships, and develop an action plan for improvement, where necessary.

A proactive approach to building Relational Intelligence involves building “Skill” and managing the “Will” to keep the relationship alive.

The 4 Habits model of Desperation, Frustration, Isolation and Mutual Satisfaction
Dr Andrea and Jonathan Taylor Cummings present their TedX Square Mile talk

How do we build the "Skill"?

Building “Skill” is about learning the principles, tools and techniques of The 4 Habits©, so that genuine behaviour change is achieved – replacing attitudes & behaviours that damage relationships with behaviours that strengthen relationships.

And how do we manage the "Will"?

Subconsciously, we all keep mental records of every interaction we have with people around us. Where the interaction is positive, it registers as a deposit in what is know as our Emotional Bank Account (EBA). Where it is negative, it registers as a withdrawal. The balance of deposits and withdrawals determines the overall experience and quality of the relationship.

Habits #1 & #2 help us minimise unintentional withdrawals we all make from time to time that negatively impact our relationships.

Habits #3 & #4 help us be on purpose about making deposits and building deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Practising The 4 Habits© together, helps us build strong, mutually satisfying relationships on purpose.

Black piggy-bank with pink heart on its side.
The 4 Habits logo in white

The 4 Habits© are the practical HOW TOs for building Emotional Intelligence in general, and Relational Intelligence in particular.

The difference a proactive approach makes…

Developing “Skill” and “Will” together equips people to take personal responsibility for how they “show up” in their key relationships at work AND at home, transforming teams, companies, families and society.

Investing in building Relational Intelligence is both financially wise and socially responsible.

Infographic showing the benefits of equipping people to do relationships well.

Ready to take the next step?

Individuals & Couples

Take our 5-star rated Online course and start building The 4 Habits for yourself


Email us here to set up a short call to discuss your particular needs and how we can help
Relationship breakdown and the workplace - YouGov Research Report

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