Welcome to Day 17 in the series…
Yesterday we spoke about the ten emotional needs that we all have, one of which is respect. Today we will unpack this need for respect a bit more.
Feeling valued and respected are both fundamental to creating a mutually satisfying relationship. Yet it is so easy to take each other for granted and slip into behaviours that undermine each other and the relationship. There are seven key influencers on the level of respect in a relationship and we need to pay each of them special attention to ensure the relationship is healthy. Conveniently, these are summarised using RESPECT as an acronym (below).
Before we do that though, it’s important to note that often there are deep-seated assumptions and stereotypes underlying each of these areas. Creating relationships of mutual respect means challenging these underlying assumptions, choosing to play to each other’s strengths and being there for each other through the different seasons of life. Changing behaviours requires investing the time to understand different perspectives, gain new insight, do honest reflection, accept loving challenge and develop new approaches. We can’t do this justice in a short session but we can share some food for thought.
For example:
R stands for Roles and Responsibilities. Assumptions over “who does what” can be a real source of frustration, resentment and disrespect. Whose career should come first? Who should do the housework? Who should take the lead on childcare?
Similar conversations need to be had around:
Empowerment (vs control)
Support and Safety
Partnership and Power Balance
Empathy
Courageous Commitment
Trust
If you’d like more on these, we go through them in detail in our online course – Habit #3. Being able to discuss our assumptions around giving and receiving respect in each of these areas will help to create a foundation of mutual trust and respect in the relationship. It doesn’t happen automatically and often involves some tough conversations. But it is necessary work that rewards you when it’s done – and strains the relationship when it is postponed.
Meanwhile, here’something to think about:How would you rate the health of your relationship against each of the categories above: R-E-S-P-E-C-T? If you sense you could improve in one or more of them, don’t panic! At the end of this section we’ll be making some recommendations of resources that can help you improve in each of them.
Tomorrow we will look at how to have a courageous conversation when something you value and hold dear is in strong opposition to your partner’s expectations. You can’t afford to miss that email!
