Welcome to Day 14 in this series of 30 Days to Better Relationships. We’re now almost halfway through, so well done if you’ve been following all along. Hopefully this is resonating with you strongly and giving you ideas on things you could be doing differently to strengthen your relationship. If you do have any questions along the way, feel free to reach out to us by email at: [email protected]
Thus far, we’ve looked at how we can help manage the balance in our emotional bank accounts by minimising unintentional withdrawals through practicing Habit #2. By being CAREFUL, not crushing in conflict situations we can often prevent things escalating out of hand.
Let’s pause a moment and reflect further on why taking the time to build healthy emotional bank accounts is so important. Unsurprisingly, every time we have a moment or period of conflict, we make withdrawals on each other’s emotional bank accounts. And the longer and more intense the conflict, the more the withdrawals. Of course, the less careful and the more crushing we are with each other, the faster we drain our emotional bank accounts and the more likely we are to run them into overdraft.
Learning to apologise well and give and receive forgiveness is vital to stop the haemorrhaging from the emotional bank account and to start restoring the connection. Taking the time to acknowledge the cost of the process and doing something on purpose to restore the connection is also vital as is making sure understanding is increased. As the saying goes, if you don’t learn the lesson, you will have to repeat the class!
So often we can find ourselves repeating the same old arguments, with the same old patterns of behaviour and outcomes. Learning how to anticipate and prepare for conflict, genuinely resolving issues, caring for each other no matter how frustrated and angry we become so that we emerge stronger together, are some of the best investments you can make in your relationship and in your life.
In summary, restoring the connection after the battle requires that we:
- Learn the lessons,
- Effectively Follow Up,
- Learn how to Forgive & Forget, and
We go through the detail of each of the elements in our Managing Conflict Effectively course. As ever, find out more on our 4habits.com website.
Tomorrow, we’ll be moving on to Habit #3 and explaining why developing the Habit of Asking, rather than Assuming is so vital to having a successful relationship. See you then!