Welcome to day 21 in the series…
Yesterday Andrea took us through the benefits of taking the time to design the life balance and schedule we desire, based on our values and priorities rather than our “to do” lists. Today we will wrap up habit #3 – ASK, don’t assume, by sharing a simple strategy that will help you create your ideal schedule.
Of all the workshops we run, the one we often find the most rewarding is the session on scheduling based on values – where people identify their core values and design a template of their ideal week, with all their values expressed in the schedule. One by one, we observe people breathe a sigh of hope and relief as they finally visualise how they can live out their values and achieve the life balance they desire.
For many of us, what we call planning is simply reacting to the list of things that need to be done or have been requested by others, as opposed to genuinely leading ourselves in the direction of our values and goals. Scheduling based on values gives you the opportunity to pause and give serious thought to who and what your real priorities are, and the time that you want to invest in them.
If you’ve got a few minutes now, you may want to get involved. If not, come back when you have a clear 30 mins or so. You can download a blank template and guide on how to create your own schedule based on values at the link below. To get your mind in the right place though, start by asking yourself: What would your ideal week look like? What would you ideally do when and with whom? The goal is to ensure that all your priorities have the appropriate amount of time and space in your diary, including time to invest in your key relationships as well as doing meaningful work to generate a worthwhile income, which most people need to do. Even in planning your work time, think about when you are at your sharpest and can do your best “thinking work” vs routine tasks etc.
The process will more than likely feel strange at first and it will take a few goes at doing it and refining it based on how things work in real life to get it right, but do stick with the process. You will find it very liberating, guaranteed! And all your relationships, especially the one with your partner, will flourish as a result. And by the way, if you think of yourself as a “busy person” this process is even more important for you if you want to stay emotionally connected and grow strong together in your relationship.
So, to wrap up, developing habit #3 involves building your knowledge around core values and emotional needs in general as well as the specifics for you and your partner. Specifically, it requires getting more understanding in the following four areas:
- The 6 dimensions of cultural differences and where you and your partner stand on each issue
- Assumptions underlying the seven key areas of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
- Listening with empathy and speaking openly and vulnerably without accusation
- Respecting yourself by identifying and articulating your core values.
At times this involves real soul-searching but when you persevere with understanding these deeply held issues, developing habit #3 will empower you to be on purposein life and more equipped to have courageous conversations where you ask and discuss, rather than assume and stereotype. That way, you can work together to find solutions that honour both of you. These are the issues we tackle head on in our online course on developing Habit #3, so if you need some help with resources find out more at the link below.
Tomorrow we will start looking at Habit #4 – CONNECT, before you Correct, another key habit for building warmth and topping up our emotional bank accounts. Well we’re on the home run now with this series… watch this space for tomorrow’ note.