CONNECT, before you Correct

CONNECT, before you Correct

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Welcome to day 22 in the series… 

Yesterday we ended our discussion on Habit #3 by looking at a practical way to schedule our lives and achieve the balance of priorities we desire.  Today and for the next week we will be looking at Habit #4 – CONNECT, before you Correct.

Alongside being able to value differences, manage conflict and have tough conversations, we need to be able to build warmth and fun in our relationships on purpose. Most of us are quick to give “constructive feedback” or correcting, but not so deliberate about showing value and appreciation or establishing heart to heart connections.

But as the saying goes:

“People go where they feel welcomed, but stay where they feel valued.”

We need to get deliberate about finding specific meaningful ways to feed each other’s emotional bank accounts and manage the level of warmth vs angst in the relationship.

Once, when we had a really busy period at work, our boys were simultaneously doing big exams, so there were a lot of frayed nerves, short tempers… and at times lots of shouting.  As soon as the deadlines were met, I booked us into a spa hotel which we all enjoy, to allow us time and space to re-centre and reconnect, both as husband and wife and as a family.

Staying connected is as much about being sensitive to the state of emotional bank accounts as it is about learning to show love and care in a way that your partner or loved ones can recognise.   However…

“we tend to assume what is important to us is important to EVERYBODY and what is not important to us is not important to ANYBODY.”

This is how many couples can emotionally miss each other.

Learning how to communicate in a way people can hear it and how to show love in ways that are meaningful to your partner are powerful ways to stay connected and achieve great results with simple but effective effort.

Meanwhile, here’s something to think about: How do you try to make your partner feel valued?  How valued do you think your partner would say you make them feel? What do you think they do to communicate value and appreciation to you?

Tomorrow we will look at communicating effectively through words and body language.  Stay tuned!

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